sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
