If i come over, it means nothing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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