Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize