Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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