He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
