if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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