I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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