You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
