i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
