I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
