can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
