i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
