I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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