Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
