u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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