I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
