I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
