I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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