Already got asked if we're dating
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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