come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
