At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
