idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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