I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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