She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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