tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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