Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
