I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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