she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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