I'm going to jail i love you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
