The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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