I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
