i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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