Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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