the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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