I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
