I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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