I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
