My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
