Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
