when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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