before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
