Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
