Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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