Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His nipple licking is glorious
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