I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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