it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
