I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
