she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
