Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
