theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
