the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
