you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
