and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
