My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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