He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
