Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
