If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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