Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
