You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
