I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
