Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
