she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
