apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
