the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
