Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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