White coat. Heels.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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