All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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