His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
