i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize