You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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