If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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