That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize