Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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