If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
