So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
