no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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