hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she peed on how many people?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
