im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
