i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
