This is not my ceiling
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
