Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
