i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
