Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
