Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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