I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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