We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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