In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
